Thursday, 9 September 2010

if I could have any artist paint me- living or dead, who would it be?

Hello again!

Ok so as some of you- if you're reading this from Facebook- will know i'm currently holidaying in Ibiza. The other night I was out dancing in Ibiza town with my lovely friend Gemma at a theatre bar called 'Teatro Pereya' . They had a fun covers band on- I forget the name-  playing all kinds of crowd pleasers. Needless to say I drank about a pirate ships worth of rum and ended up salsa dancing to Lionel Ritchies 'All night long' with some Italian dude called Fabio ( although he insisted I call him Flavio..!) 3 days off the Lindy Hop and I was desperate for a spin OK! We eventually left when I could take no more rum and that was that... or so I thought.

Two days later I was just setting off to the beach when on route I bumped into Flabio/Flavio. It was one of those awkward moments when you see someone you don't really want to and short of diving into the nearest hedge or under a passing car I had no choice but to engage in polite chit chat.. My Goodness this man was possibly THE most Italian, Italian man i've ever come across-  all Mama Mia's, wild gesticulations and so up close and personal I feared he might try to dry hump me at any moment.. Apart from telling me I was a gift from God ( I thought we were all supposed to be?) he said I was like a Picasso painting! PICASSO! WTF?! Are you saying i've got a wonky face! Is that supposed to be a compliment?!  Ok so Picasso is one of the worlds most revered and greatest artists of the 20th Century etc.etc. blah blah.. But seriously do you want to look like a Picasso...

Er, no thanks..

Which got me thinking and leads me onto my next postal subject matter..It's one of those questions like 'who would play me in a film about my life'  we all, at some point must ask ourselves: 'if I could have any artist paint me- living or dead, who would it be?'


Hmm, not sure about standing in the giant shell. Having a couple of
Angels for mates might be quite nice though. Maybe they
could put a good word in for me..


Nice, but i'd like a flatter stomach please..  And what am I doing with my left hand?


Well i've always loved horse riding! But can I have some clothes please? The saddles chaffing me somewhat ...


Good Lord! Is that Kate Moss?

Nope, none of the above! Who i'd really like to have paint me is Gil Elvgren. Born in 1914 in St. Paul, Minnesota, in The US of A,  Gil Elvgren was a master painter and one of America’s first and best loved pin-up artists. His paintings are both sensuous and humorous, with his models often caught in compromising situations that cause their hems to rise and flash some stocking.. that's a common occurrence in my day to day life. His girls have the most fabulous physiques, pert bosoms you can bounce beach balls off, tiny waists and bum cheeks so firm you could crack a Brazil nut between them.. Yes I want to be a Gil Elvgren gal!

That's more like it!

Painted earlier today whilst on the beach..

I'm not one for cooking..

Or gardening..

Or house work for that matter!


  1. Oh fuck, thats the most I've laughed all day!! Thank you. Picasso?! Hilarious :)

    Oh I do love a bit of Gil, I've got a huge hard back book here I bought for Tec some time ago.... except I'm the only one that looks at it. Although he did find one picture in there he referred to as 'soft porn'!

  2. Great stuff. Eagerly anticipating your next posting.

  3. I've got a good face for Malevich...